On Chris Hansen, Karma And My Guts

I laughed quite heartily today while I was waiting for an appointment. Why, you ask? Because I read about how Chris Hansen — host of To Catch A Predator — was caught via hidden camera cheating on his wife with a woman 21 years younger than him. Oh, God. The Irony. It’s so beautiful. I think this is what they call karma, right? You live by the hidden camera television show, you die by the hidden camera television show. Although in this case it was the National Enquirer, so it was more of a hidden camera tabloid magazine than a television show. Either way, the guy got what was coming to him.

Not that I’m a fan of the pedophiles who appeared on To Catch A Predator. You won’t find me anywhere near wherever it is their sympathizers hang out (I imagine NAMBLA meetings and middle school playgrounds after hours might be good places to start looking…). I think child abuse is an offense that should be punishable by death. But I also thought that To Catch A Predator was morally and ethically questionable (isn’t what they do entrapment?). I even reiterated my stance when a producer of To Catch A Predator was fired after complaining that the show violated ethical standards. So to hear that the show’s host — that smarmy douche who took oh-so-much pleasure in how his producers were able to induce others to commit a crime — has now been found to be guilty of adultery is fantastic news. I hope his wife cleans him out and leaves him penniless. Or penis-less. I’ll leave it up to her to decide.

I was out with Thesy the other night and we had a long conversation about karma and retribution. We’re both firm believers in the concept (well, its western interpretation), especially as it relates to interpersonal relationships. The way you treat people and the actions you take towards them will cause either a positive or negative result for you somewhere down the line: good fortune or comeuppance. Thesy was positively gleeful that a project she’s undertaken is moving ahead more smoothly than that of someone who maligned her when she first mentioned the idea. I currently have no “a ha! Karma’s a bitch!” stories of my own, but given time I’m sure I will. Not that I’m wishing bad karma on anyone. Well…maybe now’s a good time to change the subject.

I went to Costco to pick up the prescription for my stomach pills this morning. You remember my stomach problems, right? They stuck a tube down my throat and took some pictures. I got to experience a Fentanyl high for the first time non-recreationally! And yet in spite of medication the problem persisted. It started to get worse, too. I would get this gnawing pain that would increase in intensity for up to five or six hours, and then the last two or three times it happened I’d puke my guts up and start feel better. I was started to become scared that something might be wrong with me.

Well, it’s been four months since my last stomach incident. Four months to the day, actually. I was sitting at Costco waiting for my pills and I thought about it. Four months? How could that be? For nearly two years I dealt with pure torture on a monthly basis. It came every 28-30 days like clockwork. It was like a menstrual period. I’ve been pain-free and stress-free for 1/3 of a year? That’s insane. That’s amazing! Trust me, the irony of the situation is not lost on me. A lot could be read into why I might have been stressed for so long and how it affected my mind and body, but this isn’t the forum for that level of psychoanalysis. For now I’m just going to enjoy this pain-free period and try to remain upbeat and relaxed for as long as I’m able.

Which means I’m going out drinking tonight.

MellowHype (feat. Mike G) – Loaded

PS – Is “Girl you so sour but you’re sweet like candy / Let’s fuck in the forest, mother nature and Bambi” the best couplet I’ve heard in 2011? Obviously.