Happy World AIDS Day, everybody!
Surely you remember that December 1st is World AIDS Day, right?
The omniscient entity that is BONO (you must use all caps to show proper reverence) will not let you forget that today is World AIDS Day. Nor will BONO let you forget that BONO exists. His unending series of Op. Ed. pieces of the New York Times (more like the BONO Times — amirite!? EHHH!!??? EHHHHHH!?!?!?!) continued today with another self-absorbed screed about something that’s important, but not important enough because BONO will only ever use his opportunities to promote the BONO brand. World AIDS Day isn’t anywhere near as important as BONO.
“I’LL tell you the worst part about it, for me.”
That’s the first line of his World AIDS Day article. No mention of AIDS. Two mentions of BONO. And, before you ask, no I didn’t capitalize the “I’LL” for effect. BONO did that all on his own. Perhaps unsurprisingly, almost all of BONO’s articles for the Times begin with statements about himself:
• “I’ve Noticed…” (2010)
• “I spent…” (2010)
• “I am in Midtown Manhattan…” (2009)
But, lest you jump to the conclusion that BONO is an arrogant little snit who uses his immense amount of influence to promote himself over the actual good deeds he does…no, wait. That’s exactly the conclusion to which you should jump. Because, let’s be honest, for a public figure BONO actually does a lot of noble, admirable things. But he can’t stop fucking it up for himself by so blatantly promoting himself over that which he’s trying to promote! Stop writing about yourself! Stop injecting yourself into every story! It’s World AIDS Day, not World BONO Day! Instead of describing how you perceived people reacting to being told they were H.I.V.-Positive, talk about the people!
You kind of get the point in the middle section of your article. When you detail “the wanton loss of so many lives in Africa” and the worldwide reaction to the AIDS pandemic, you actually step outside of yourself and…you know…deliver some cold hard facts. You give your readers something to process and internalize that doesn’t involve you.
And then you lost it again. “For me, a fan and a pest of America…” Listen you piece of shit, this might be an Op. Ed. and you might be entitled to your opinion that you have problems with the way America and its government operate internally and internationally, but this forum — an article about advances in AIDS education and treatment — isn’t where you should inject your own personal agenda. Nobody fucking cares about how YOU complained to George Bush about drugs not getting to Africa. George Bush didn’t care, and no one reading this article cares, because you’re fucking BONO. The world doesn’t stop and start on your own time. You sound like the biggest douchebag in the universe when you laud yourself so copiously, as if to say that without YOU hounding The President of the United States to get AIDS drugs to Africa we wouldn’t be as far as we are in the fight against the disease. Fuck you, Bono. Fuck you so hard for treating a platform like the New York Times as a stage at one of your shitty concerts, and for acting like rational newsreaders are going to respond with the same adoration and respect as your imbecilic fans.
“Me apologizing to Mr. Bush when they did…”
HA! You fucking moron. Way to be humble in face of your own unwarranted anger and general stupidity!
“And then there were the everyday, every-stripe Americans. Like the tattooed tucker I…” Shut up, Bono. You’ve been touring America for twenty years and now you’re going to start talking about your interactions with everyday Americans? Who the fuck cares? I see what you’re trying to do, you go from the office of the President to a conversation with a trucker. You’re like a politician getting out there, shaking hands, kissing babies…except you’re not on the campaign trail. You’re not vying for hearts and minds. You’re not trying to win over public opinion. You’re a fucking miniature Irish musician who might be able to write a decent pop song but can’t feign being a journalist if your life depended on it.
Just stop writing, period. Stop writing for the New York Times. Stop blogging. Stop putting yourself out there. Because you are utterly incapable of talking about anything but yourself. Calling yourself an activist and bragging about how the rest of the world needs to catch up to you, BONO. And stop charging US with following in your footsteps. It makes you sound like a narcissistic asshole. Which I know you are, but at least when I open up the newspaper in the morning 360 days of the year I don’t have to see your stupid little smug mug staring back at me, feeling all high and mighty because you DID SOMETHING THAT ANYONE WITH THE MEANS AND MONEY THAT YOU ALREADY POSSESS SHOULD BE DOING ANYWAY.
I’d tell you to get AIDS and die, but I won’t. What kind of person would I be if I said that on World AIDS Day?
And lastly, Mr. Self Righteous Champion Of All Things Africa And AIDS…
SHOULDN’T EVERY DAY BE WORLD AIDS DAY UNTIL WE FIND A CURE?
Second Hand – The World Will End Yesterday [MP3]
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