The Chicago Sun-Times is a funny little news organization. In the heyday of Swan Fungus (hard to believe it’s over, eh?), their online edition syndicated a few of my blog posts. I don’t know how it happened, or why it happened, but it did. Stop scratching your head, it’s really not worth the mental strain. I’m just as confused by it as you are. Because of this kind gesture, I can’t accuse the Sun-Times of being anything less than the coolest newspaper ever printed.
For those of us who keep up with Billy Corgan, 2012 has already been a boon to both fans and detractors. Just last week the Sun-Times reported that Billy Boy is going to be opening a “tea house” where people can sit around and drink slightly-flavored warm water while they work on their screenplays or terrible alterna-rock songs. The forever-young 44-year-old Corgan plans to open this “1930s Chinese-style tea house” this Spring, “in the former Ravinia neighborhood post office in Highland Park.” Because nothing screens 1930s China quite like a 91% white suburb with a median family income of $137,703.
Cough cough.
“Corgan’s sit-down tea shop has yet to be named, but his business partner, Highland Park resident Sharon Mackin-Norberg, said Friday they have signed a multi-year lease and are currently working on the space’s design and extensive tea menu.”
You guys, I think we’ve found our mission. We need to name Billy Corgan’s idiotic tea house. I’ll get the ball rolling with my Top Ten Names For Billy Corgan’s Tea House. You’re welcome to leave your own suggestions.
Top Ten Names For Billy Corgan’s Tea House
10. Fuck You (An Ode To Tea)
09. In The Arms Of Sleepytime
08. Mellow Chamomile & The Infinite Refills
07. Where Boys Fear To Steep
06. Set The Ray To Tetley
05. Thru The Eyes Of Rooibos
04. I Of The Darjeeling
03. Farewell And Good Chai
02. Tea-night, Tea-night
01. Teagarden By Exmoor Country Club
Jet, because of your expertise in matters such as these I expect a list of twenty names by morning.
Tara Jane O’Neil - Tea Is Better Than Poison [MP3]
January 6th, 2012
If I died tomorrow I will have still achieved a 1000 things more than you ever will you sad little man
January 6th, 2012
Mr. Levine, your humour is ripe. However, I think I’m going to part from teahouse names, because you left a ‘steep’ path of toil behind you; I doubt that I could top “Tea-night, Tea-night”.
Thus, since Señor Corgan and Co. have admitted that they’re working on an “extensive tea menu”, I think I’ll add twenty suggested varie-teas (ha!) to their possibili-teas (haa!!). To wit:
The “Main Personalitea” Collection
1. His Royal Majes-tea
2. The Twen-tea Foot Tall Gerber Baby
3. Male Pat-tea-rn Baldness
4. I’m Just a-Tea-sin’ Ya’ll By Breaking Up My Band Once And Making You Pay One-Thousand Dollars Each for “Final” Concert Tickets
5. Tea-cher to the Whole Wide World
6. Duali-tea (I’m a Pisces)
The “Musicalitea” Collection
7. Bullet With But-tea-fly Wings
8. Nine-Tea-n Seven-tea Nine
9. Tris-tea-ssa
10. Tea-day Is the Grea-tea-st
11. Frail and Tea-Dazzled
12. Apa-tea’s Last Kiss
13. Behold! Tea Night-Mare
The “Thema-tea-c Influences” Collection
14. Morbiditea
15. Superficialitea
16. Egocentricitea
17. Absurditea
18. Illogicalitea
19. Stupiditea
20. Tea-Rex, I’m a Dino, Rawr
And for dessert…”Excuse Me, But I’m An Ar-tea-ste”.
January 7th, 2012
The correct word, I believe, would have been to reference my “exper-teas”, not “expertise”. I’m a little disappoin-tea-d in you, Mr. Levine.
Love,
Jet
January 7th, 2012
Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a sachet. I took it from the tea leaf prospective in first person. By the way, I don’t just write bad alterna rock songs have you heard of my band Zwan? . Ok fine diss on the Pumpkins that one is so easy to do. But I bet the first time you had your dick sucked the song Today was playing and when you hear the song it still makes you smile. Admit it.