On Cat People, Bacon, Squabbits, Shark Attacks & More!

• Well, well well. I told you. I told all of you. “Cat people” are insane. I’ve never had any evidence to back up my observation until today. This article, published in The Atlantic, details the story of a Czech guy who thought he was going crazy and it turned out that some parasite was eating away at his brain. The parasite is excreted by cats, and it can find its way into humans via litter boxes. I don’t really care to read any further, because now that I have an article I can cite when I make fun of cat owners I’m content. Hopefully after the first paragraph the scientists aren’t discredited and the theory debunked, otherwise I’m going to look like an asshole when I start to tell people I hate them and their cats are making them crazy. [story]

• Not that you didn’t already know this, but you can store raw bacon in the freezer to keep it from spoiling! Why do I care? I don’t! But this news story gives me another opportunity to promote Scott Hams, which I believe sells the best bacon in the world. And you can buy a pound of their country bacon for just $6.99 on their website. I buy a few pounds at a time and freeze it. Seriously, it’s amazing. I recently used a pound of their jowl bacon for gourmet sliders and people were raving about how delicious they were. Those who just ate slices of the cooked bacon I was saving for slider use were equally impressed/amorous. I like the country bacon better, but you can’t really go wrong. This has been a plug for Scott Hams. Best. Bacon. Ever. [story]

• When I was in school in Allentown, PA we used to have this mythological creature scurrying around campus called a squabbit. Rumored to be a cross-bread between squirrels and rabbits, it looked like a squirrel but with a small, bushy tail instead of a long furry one. I only ever saw one around campus, and I happened to be really high at the time, so I can’t be sure that what I saw was really the fabled squabbit. Enough people I knew at school claimed to have seen the little critters, so I’m going to assume they exist. None of them — at least not any of the ones I’ve heard about — were purple in color. I mention that because a woman in Pennsylvania this week caught a purple squirrel. Sounds to me like she caught it, dyed it’s fur and then called the media to get her 15 minutes of fame. I hope the squirrel bites her. Attention whore. [story]

• Sometimes Lifehacker publishes some great little blog posts. Like this one detailing how to build an audiophile-esque stereo system on a small budget. I don’t really have the desire to be an audiophile. I don’t think my ears are so finely tuned as to care about reaching the pinnacle of clean, perfect audio. I’ve got a relatively inexpensive receiver (Marantz 2215-B), a middle-of-the-road turntable (Rega P-3), and horrible speakers (whatever was on sale at Circuit City right before they went out of business). It works for me. Ironic, because this article points out that the single most important component in your stereo system is your speakers. Whoops. Maybe I should investigate and buy a new pair… [story]

• I’m a pussy who doesn’t like to swim in the ocean. Usually this is because I don’t know how to swim and I’m scared I’m going to get carried out to sea and die. Sometimes, though, it’s because I walk out until I’m knee or waist deep in the water, and then I remember there are a million things in the ocean that can kill me. Like poisonous jellyfish or sharks. And in 2011 worldwide fatal shark attacks were at the highest recorded point in twenty years. Granted, none of the fatal attacks happened in US waters, but that doesn’t mean we’re not due for a slew of deadly shark attacks in 2012. And I’ll be damned if I’m going to be the first person killed by a fish in US waters in over a year. No way do I want that dishonorable distinction. I’ll let someone else be eaten alive first. I’ll stay on the beach and take some E and lay in the hot sand for a few hours blanketed by the sun listening to a totally killer mix tape while you guys all go swim and die. [story]

• Long before “photo-bombing” was a thing — before it was a meme — I was honing my skills. I’ve been blowing up people’s photo opportunities for as long as I can remember. And as good as I am at it, I might never achieve glory like this woman did when NBA Hall-Of-Famer David Robinson was caught on camera today during a Kansas State-Texas basketball game. This is just too good. Don’t worry about sticking around for the painfully slow super-slow-mo part of the video. You’ll get the gist right away. That woman…she’s amazing. She might just be my new Jesus. [story]

• Thanks for reminding me that A Silver Mt. Zion played LA twice this week. It’s not like I was doing anything on my days off. You guys are total dicks. Also, Swan Fungus Super Fan Michael B. is back in LA visiting some friends. You might remember last year when I got him really drunk and let him pass out on my ex’s couch. Would it surprise me if he doesn’t want to get drunk with his favorite blogger this year? Not at all. Should any of you hit me up if you ever come to LA so I can get you wasted, take a bunch of photos of you and share them with the world? Absolutely. By the way, WOW do I look gay in that shirt. Good thing I threw it out a few months ago.