On Aliens, More Aliens, Idiots, And Other Idiots

May 12, 2012

• I went to see Castle in the Sky last night with Ben and Nate. It was screened at the Silent Movie Theater on Fairfax, which meant I got to drop in and visit Golden State and eat one of my favorite burgers in LA. The beer selection was pretty solid, too. Drakes Oh Dear was on tap (a delicious barrel-aged strong ale, emphasis on strong). The movie was pretty good, except the whole part about the castle in the sky being called “Laputa,” which made everyone in the audience chuckle. When you think about two little Japanese kids searching for “Laputa” it’s a pretty funny concept. After the movie the three of us split up and I raced over to Studio City to hang out with Tom and Allison at a birthday party at a gay western bar. I had to go because Tom and I have a history with gay western bars. I signed up to sing Harry Nilsson’s “Without You” at the upstairs karaoke bar shortly before closing, and in typical Evan fashion everyone left before I got to sing. So I stayed alone and closed the bar down. Then, tipsy, I texted a girl who lives 45 minutes away to come and pick me up and drive me to my car… which was parked no more than 50 yards from the bar. Silly girl, she actually did it! And then she rewarded me for the effort it took me to text her…

• Every few months an idiot looks at an old photograph or painting and swears they can see a modern personality in it. The latest instance of this pathetic cry for attention occurred in Vatican City. A 20-year-old visitor claims he saw Sylvester Stallone in a painting by Raphael. And this, somehow, is news. Guess what? I had lunch today. Is that news? What if I told you my chicken bore a passing resemblance to Foghorn Leghorn? Does that make it newsworthy? I know it’s just Yahoo. I know it’s the internet — it’s not like this is a story in the New York Times — but who the hell cares that some kid thinks he saw a celebrity in a 16th century painting? I could look at any Renaissance painting and probably find a figure that resembles a celebrity. It’s not news. It’s stupid. [story]

• No longer content to seek the advice of experts, The Daily Mail has now resorted to using YouTube as a reputable place to find cutting-edge journalism. Like this random dude who made a video saying how he has undeniable proof that NASA is covering up information regarding alien life because HE found footage of a UFO passing by the surface of the sun. Sometimes I hope the Mayan prophecy is true and the world will end in December. At least then I won’t be subjected to bullshit like this article when I’m trying to keep up on world news and current events. I’ll just get to sleep forever and nothing will piss me off. Ah, bliss. [story]

• Define irony. The media reports on an open letter in a science journal in which the media is told to “cool it” when it comes to reporting new life forms. As in aliens. Supposedly — and I don’t believe this for a second — when news sources “cry wolf” it leads to a “lack of interest in the kind of science it would take to discover new life forms, should they exist.” Um…what if the media stops reporting on new life forms — and bear with me for a second, this is going to sound odd — BECAUSE THEY SIMPLY DO NOT EXIST. Yeah. I know. Sounds crazy, right? It’s really not. It’s kind of a novel idea. Don’t report on alien encounters, UFOs or abductions, because they don’t exist. Weird, right? I wonder if anyone has ever broached this subject in an open letter before… No? Oh. [story]

• I kind of wanted to read this new book the Smithsonian Magazine turned me onto earlier this week, until I realized I didn’t get the full title of the book. How awesome do you think a work of non-fiction would be if it was simply called, Medicinal Cannibalism. Amazing, right? Stories through history detailing where and when it was cool to eat the flesh of fellow humans (or their corpses) for medical purposes. Well, that’s what I thought this book was going to be about, until I saw the full title…which is Medicinal Cannibalism In Early Modern English Literature And Culture. Ugh. I’m getting sleepy just reading the title. Also I was out until 4am this morning but that’s besides the point. That sounds like a terrible idea for a book, and it will probably sell less than 100 copies worldwide unless the author wises up and changes its title. [story]

• I’ve been watching baseball for as long as I’ve breathed, but… can one of you please tell me what the FUCK is an “automatic double?” Are you kidding me? [story]

Volapuk – Sanza [MP3]

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