On Supermoons, Missing Nuclear Bombs, White Buffalo, And The End Of The World

May 7, 2012

• Space. The Final Frontier. Until, of course, it’s not anymore. Then there will be a new Final Frontier, and we’ll all have to start altering our dreams so we can desire to go there. You know what space has a lot of? Stars. Distant suns and planets. Lots of galaxies. But you know what there is only one of? Earth’s moon. That’s right. Unless parallel universes exist, there is only one moon and one Earth. Which is why everyone on Earth went absolutely crazy on Saturday night when a so-called Super Moon (or, according to Wikipedia, a supermoon) was visible. That’s when there is a coincidence of a full moon with the closest approach the moon makes to the Earth on its elliptical orbit. So it’s bigger than any other night. The supermoon hanging over Manhattan that can be seen at the top of this blog entry was photographed from West Orange, New Jersey (about a mile from my house!). Pretty cool, right? I remember when I was growing up, and had friends who lived in the area, I cherished opportunities to go over to their houses at night so I could watch the city skyline light up. I miss it. [story]

• Much like supermoons, tsunamis often capture the attention of a worldwide audience. We all watched in horror as the events of the March 2011 Japan tsunami unfolded. At least now one man can smile, as his Harley-Davidson motorcycle — which washed out to sea — has been returned to him after it drifted shore in British Columbia, Canada. Fucking crazy, right!? I mean, the guy’s probably a total Toolglesias (part tool, part Enrique Iglesias) because motorcycles are for douchebags, but it’s nice that he got his silly little toy back. Instead of there being a 0% chance he might one day crash and flip over the handlebars and die, now there’s…what , a 35% chance? Cool. Ride on, brother. [story]

• Desperately searching for a new job, too? Well let this little advice column from Lifehacker help steer you in the right direction. Want me to sum it up for you so you don’t have to read it? Work on your resume and don’t fuck up the interview. Also it helps if you apply for jobs instead of just telling people you’re applying for jobs. And don’t apply for any jobs I might be interested in, or I’ll have to kill you. [story]

• As you all know (if you’re a regular), I like to spend time in Savannah, Georgia where my mother, aunt, and uncle live. But until last week I never knew that five decades ago the United States military lost a four-ton thermonuclear bomb off the shore of Savannah. A mid-air collision caused a pilot to attempt a landing, but his plane was so badly damaged and the potential for a crash was so that he needed to drop the bomb off the coast of Georgia just to be able to safely land. The bomb landed near Tybee Island, which is known for its beaches (I ran to one of them once, and it was awesome). The military spent nine weeks looking for the bomb but they couldn’t find it. They tried again in 2001 but were unsuccessful. And by that I mean it is still out there somewhere. And even though the government says the bomb was “incomplete,” it still contains enriched uranium and TNT, so if it explodes it will be like the equivalent of a large dirty bomb. That’s if you believe the government. It could be fully functional, and capable of delivering a 1.7 – 3.8 megaton explosion. You guys…next time I’m in Savannah I’m gonna track down that nuke like Christian Slater in Broken Arrow and then I’m going to bang Samantha Mathis. Or some young local belle who might resemble her. [story]

• Do you know what happens when shit like dirty bombs exploded in US Waters? Things mutate. Like Godzilla. Or the “fish, shrimp and crabs [that] are missing eyes and suffering strange deformities” in the wake of the BP oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. Extra, Extra, Be Depressed All About It. [story]

• This isn’t at all depressing. A white buffalo — which is about as rare as a Godzilla — was slain and skinned recently in…uh…I don’t know where, because the article doesn’t say. Probably South Dakota or Wyoming, as those are the only two places I’ve ever seen buffalo before. By the way, the birth of a white buffalo is said to occur in one out of every ten million buffalo births. And since the white man almost wiped out the entire population a few generations ago, we probably won’t see another white one for at least 25,000 years. Have I mentioned I know nothing about math? [story]

• In case you’ve missed every disaster TV special for the past five years, we’re still overdue for a Yellowstone caldera super explosion. I think Yellowstone eruptions happen every 500,000 years? And the last one was about 640,000 years ago? So…we’re due. The good news is, it won’t totally send the world into total nuclear winter for hundreds or thousands of years. It turns out the super volcano is actually about 12% less violent than previously thought! Yay! Rejoice! [story]

• Meanwhile, someone out there is writing a story RIGHT NOW about how Bigfoot or aliens exist. And the evidence to support such a claim has never been clearer! Oh you poor, poor fools. I mean, I’d say I pity you but at least you have a hobby. Oh, and in case you live in Texas, it’s cool to Bigfoot. [story]

• Let’s just hope that our thoughts aren’t powerful enough to help a dormant super volcano erupt. Because if the power of suggestion and law of attraction are real, we’re a lot closer to total human extinction than I ever would have imagined. Did you know that one in seven people think the world is going to end in their lifetime? And that ten percent of THOSE people think it’s going to happen within the next six months? That’s so depressing. I know I’m not the most jovial, happy-go-lucky dude on the planet but…guys…the world is not going to end in our lifetime. I promise you. Live out your days and be happy and have fun. That’s what we’re here for. Trust me. The end of the world is not coming. [story]

Cleaners From Venus – A Blue Wave [MP3]

1 comment

  1. Stan Faryna

    “Live out your days and be happy and have fun.”

    Your advice may be worthwhile in either case. [grin] It depends entirely on what people think it means to live, be happy, and have fun.

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