On Bongripper, Bigfoot, Flu Shots, and Sandy

November 3, 2012

Remember last week when I posted a few weird cover songs? Well, the very next day Ian shared this brilliant video with me. Totally one-upped me. And, had I known at the time that this existed, I probably would have devoted more words to it than I did to my crush on Chelsea Wolfe: BONGRIPPER COVERING WEEZER! This reminds me of the time Ian and I (and Bret and Mike) recorded all of Weezer’s Blue Album. And then we played a show in Bret’s yard and pretty much played all Weezer songs. There should be pictures of it on the Internet, but I don’t remember exactly where they are, or how to even begin the search for them. Just take my word for it, it was horrible but amazing. It was awful/awesome. It was awfulsome. Bongripper playing an entire show of Weezer covers, on the other hand…sounds way, way cooler. Man I want to party with those guys. After the marathon, of course. Here, see for yourself: [story]

Some lame-o fuckwad decided to produce a new TV show that offers $10 million for irrefutable proof of Bigfoot. This is a pretty dumb stunt, because of course there’s no such thing as Bigfoot. The person who put up the $10 million knows damned well they’re not going to lose so much as a dime. It’s fucking Bigfoot. It’s not real. Hell, I’ll give any of you $10 Million if you can show me a Bigfoot. Fuck, I’ll give you $50 Million. Show me a Bigfoot. Go on, wise guy. I dare you. I fifty-million-dollar-dog dare you. [story]

As many of you know, I was sick this week. I didn’t have the flu, though. I know for a fact it wasn’t the flu because I get a flu shot every year. That’s right, skeptics! You can all sit around worrying that the government is trying to control our minds via flu vaccine, but it’s simply not true. Not that I know of, anyway…and I know quite a bit about…one or two things. I know a little bit about insignificant shit. I can quote lines from The Simpsons, Futurama and Seinfeld well. Also I know how to turn women off within five minutes of meeting them in a bar. Here’s an article that discusses six flue vaccine myths. None of those myths include anything relevant to my “The government is NOT trying to control our minds via vaccinations” theory. Which only lends further credence to said theory. If the Internet isn’t rile up about it, it probably isn’t important. [story]

In advance of Superstorm Sandy, Discovery.com looked at some of the worst weather disasters of all time. Hurricane Katrina is on the list. The blizzard of 1888 is on the list (I think we all remember THAT one!). The 2004 Indian Ocean tsunami is there. It seems that most of these storms either happened between 1888-1908 or 2000-2012. Which makes sense because shit like that is cyclical. There was an ice age once. Actually there were five of them. Which is exactly my point. They happen sometimes. Also there are bad storms and weather disasters. The end. [story]

In case you haven’t noticed, I have intentionally not written at all about Sandy this week because I wanted to get a better idea of how all my family and friends are faring before commenting on it. For those of you who were wondering (and I’m sure maybe one or two of you were…oh, who am I kidding, you all probably forgot I’m from Jersey), everyone in my family seems to be okay. My mom lost part of her roof (conveniently it was a part that’s located over my old bedroom, which seems more like a sign from God than the result of storm winds). She’s going to have to have it rebuilt, and will likely have to endure some work on her attic too, as the roof covers the attic, and who knows how much moisture was trapped in there once the rain stopped. My father’s house escaped, luckily, unscathed. He reported that a tree fell through the neighbors’ garage, and that there were many downed trees and big branches up and down his street. Both mother and father have power at the moment. Other friends in town reported long stretches of power outages, lingering cable/telephone outages, and of course, no gas for any cars in town. Last I heard only two stations in town had gas, and people have been “going crazy” (that’s a direct quote from my sister!) getting into fights and siphoning gas from others’ cars in order to fill their tanks.

Friends and acquaintances in NYC were less fortunate. Ian was stranded at his in-laws for several days, everyone who lives downtown had no power until today, I think. If Facebook and text messages are any indication, it would seem that those in Brooklyn were affected the least. As for the Jersey Shore… It’s hard to look at all the pictures of the complete devastation and not get that sinking feeling in your stomach. Go look at any website with before/after photos pretty much any beach community and you’ll see why. I have so many beach memories that involve Seaside Heights, and even more of childhood summers on LBI. It’s been gutwrenching to watch news stories or see pictures of the destruction. You don’t need me to remind you that you can help donate to help relief efforts in all the affected areas. But you should. If not for me, do it for someone else — a normal everyday nice person whose life was thrown into upheaval because of an act of nature — someone who isn’t an asshole blogger know-it-all douchebag like me.

And, of course, to anyone reading this who was hit — hard or soft — by Sandy, I wish I was there to help. Just imagine me there next to you, hugging you and whispering that everything will be okay. Slowly unbuttoning your blouse or whatever the fuck you girls wear to cover your massive cans…

Ok, gotta go!

Birds of Maya – Traveler [MP3]

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