Things To Do With Mom Fungus In LA

February 18, 2013

Toots is coming to town this week. That means I’ll be even less of a presence here than I normally am. Expect a lot of full-album downloads and not much else. Then next week I’ll have all kinds of restaurant reviews and stories to share with you. And so it goes with Mother Fungus comes to town, which happens maybe two or three times each year. I eat well, I don’t have to pay for anything, and I put hundreds of miles on my car driving back and forth across town at odd hours. At least once I’ll probably get stuck in a two hour traffic jam. That seems to be happening more frequently of late. Luckily I figured out how “podcasts” work, and I’ve gotten used to sitting in traffic listening to them for the past few weeks. Although I’ve long been a fan of How Did This Get Made, it was only recently that I took the time to look around Earwolf to see what other podcasts they offered. Lo-and-behold, I saw Brett Gelman has his own podcast, and it’s awesome.

I’ve lived in LA for almost six (!?!?!) years now. And since my mom comes to visit a few times each year, there isn’t much we haven’t had time to do around the city. In fact, I’m kind of running out of ways to pass the time between meals. For someone who prides himself on being a good tour guide, I’m embarrassed that I can only think of one thing to do with her this week. We’re going to check out the Kubrick exhibit at LACMA on Thursday afternoon before dinner at Providence. That means on Wednesday I have absolutely no plans, and am drawing a complete brainfart when it comes to thinking of things to do (preferably on the West Side or in Santa Monica/Venice/Malibu) all day. We’ve done Point Dume and Paradise Cove, we’ve done the Promenade more times than I can count. We’ve done the Museum of Jurassic Technology. She’s been to both Getty Museums. She’s walked the boardwalk in Venice, done all the piers, driven through Santa Monica Mountains and Topanga Canyon. She’s even been to La Jolla, Carlsbad, San Diego, Palm Springs, Catalina Island…she’s lucky she knows me or she’d be seriously inexperienced at Southern California travel! She’s been to the Huntington, the botanical gardens, literally every museum in and around town…pretty much the only things left she hasn’t done are the uber-touristy things that I would never deign to subject her to. The closest I came to that was suggesting a Dearly Departed tour. Which she would have done, but then I remembered we’d be on a bus or in a van with a bunch of fat smelly midwesterners and I couldn’t in my right mind subject her to that. Call me a snob if you want. It’s not happening.

So I ask you, LAers, what the hell can I do with my ma that I haven’t already done, or she hasn’t already done on her own!? She’s been to Olvera Street, Mullholland Drive, up the PCH, Simi Valley, all the Hollywood junk, been to tapings of TV shows, gone to the Griffith Observatory and Griffith Park, taken Beachwood all the way up to the Hollywood sign, seen the Tar Pits, strolled the Farmer’s Market and Grove, done the canals, the Hollywood Forever Cemetery…I’m sure there are dozens of other things I’m just forgetting. The best I can think of, right now, is a trip to Hawkins House of Burgers and then the Watts Towers Arts Center, but that’s not going to take a sufficient-enough amount of time out of our day to make it worthwhile.

Give me some ideas, people. She’s too old to handle intense hikes. We have dinner plans with a close family friend on the early side (7pm) in Santa Monica so we need to be on that side of town…we’ll say…with an hour to spare. So I need to fill about 6 hours Wednesday. People, any help you could give would be appreciated. Thanks, assholes. I owe you. If I take your advice you will get a prize. I don’t know what, but I’ll think of something. I’ll try to get Anna from TRL or Sheryl from Mute to send me some cool new release or promo item. Or, you know, I’ll send you a shirt with my face on it. Those always make good gifts for my readers. If you live in LA and I take your advice, I’ll take you out for a night of drinks on me. How’s that for inspiration, eh? EH!?

Soft Moon – Out Of Time [MP3]


  1. |

    Is she interested in rap history? How about a tour of Compton.

  2. |

    FYI, I have NOT walked the boardwalk in Venice. Let’s put that on the “to do” list.

Leave a Comment

Time limit is exhausted. Please reload CAPTCHA.