The Gauntlet: A Vegas Photo Recap

April 15, 2013

By now you’re sick and tired of reading about my exploits in the desert. It was a lot of fun, right? Constant drinking, good friends, new friends (well…one new friend…), distant relatives, Spiritualized, and more food than I’ve ever consumed in a 72-hour period at any point in my life. But the one thing that was missing from all those stories? Photographic evidence. So please allow me to share with you some excerpts from the past week. Captions required because, well, otherwise how are you going to know what you’re looking at?

That pasty motherfucker (I guess this is what happens when leg pain keeps you from running for three months and you return to being the “indoor kid” you always were growing up) is getting nicely soused at the Monte Carlo, where it’s common courtesy to stop outside the Blue Man Group theater and take a photo in front of their psychedelic light show thing. What time was this, 4am on Wednesday? I look pretty with it, I think.

That’s my seat at America in the New York New York Resort and Casino. As you’ll recall, I voted this place the best 4am drunk meal on the strip. And Daniel, the server, was as kind and generous to us as ever. This is always one of the most anticipated moments of any Vegas trip for me.

…And at 4am on my first night in town, what did I choose to order but a chili omelet (with a side of wheat toast — gotta stay healthy), an order of “fries” (even though they’re more like potato wedges) and two kinds of gravy: brown, and “country” (white). Not pictured: The Long Island Iced Tea I washed it all down with. Also, you can see two tokens for the giant slot machine in front of the restaurant. We promised Daniel if we hit a jackpot we’d split our winnings with him…but it wasn’t meant to be.

Here’s a random shot from Central Hall at the Las Vegas Convention Center during NAB 2013. I was pretty hungover at the time, but I took this photo so I could use it as a landmark when I was trying to find my way around after visiting my cousin at the Sony exhibit.

And there’s my cousin setting up to film an interview for her company! I was really happy we got to hang out and chat for as long as we did. It had been at least 10, maybe 15 years (?) since I’ve last seen her. Another perk was that I got to go behind the scenes to see how content is filmed, edited and uploaded to the Internet pretty much on the fly throughout the convention. Cool!

Yeah, I get it. I gamble like an old woman. With Ken and KT in town, we developed a bit of a routine. Start our night at MGM playing penny slots or betting on the Greyhounds, then venture out to Monte Carlo or somewhere North to consume mass quantities of alcohol and get silly. Then walk back to the hotel, stopping somewhere (America, natch) on the way to eat.

So of course on night two (or, should I say, Thursday morning) we ended up at America AGAIN to hang out with our pal Daniel at stuff our faces with food. This time we washed it all down with a cup of Jim Beam because…why not? Also, I was so drunk and I wanted to make sure I consumed every bit of gravy so I just dumped all the brown gravy into my Mac and Cheese, then added some tabasco — to taste — and the result was incredible. I think. I don’t really remember. Who the fuck eats a giant bowl of Mac’n’Cheese AND orders a side of french fries? What a moron. I felt TERRIBLE the next day.

Once Ken and KT left town (Thursday morning) I didn’t have much to do. I grabbed a cup of coffee and a liter of water and walked to the Venetian. I stopped at every casino along the way to play some blackjack, lose twenty bucks on a slot machine, drink more water, and be on my way. I stopped at Caesar’s to watch some baseball. The best moment was when I won $72 on a penny slot…somewhere. Had I maxed out my bet, that would’ve been a $720 payoff. Oh well.

After a burger and a booze-filled shake from Holstein’s (I can’t believe I ate a $30 hamburger and I forgot to take a fucking picture of it. I HAD ONE JOB TO DO AND I DIDN’T DO IT) I hit the strip for a few hours while I waited for my bartender friend to finish her shift. Thursday turned into Friday, and there was no time for a third straight early-morning meal at America.

For lunch Friday my friend Peter picked me up and drove us to the Wynn so we could sport-eat our way through literally everything they had to offer. For $25.99 we ate an inhuman amount of food, starting with this plate. What you’re looking at is “Round 1”: waffle batter fried chicken, bacon and pea tart, bbq pork bun, roasted chorizo and potatoes, prime rib slider, garlic roasted cauliflower, orecchiette pesto pasta, roasted red pepper grits, chicken pot stickers…

That wasn’t enough food, so we went back for seconds. My plate for “Round 2” consisted of: kielbasa, turkey bratwurst, chipotle bbq glazed meatloaf, roasted tomato with parmesan, shrimp/pork dumplings, fried turkey, pork tenderloin, hot capicola, red pepper focaccia, cavatappi pesto pasta…

I was starting to feel full after plate number two. “But…” Peter said, “We still have to try some dessert.” Well, alright…

So here is “Round 3,” or “Dessert #1”: raspberry cheese cake, orange iced cupcake, tres leches cake, raspberry splendor (it wasn’t), chocolate peanut butter bar, vanilla iced rice krispie treat, salted chocolate caramel cup.

So now I was full. “We’re done, right?” I asked Peter. “But…” he began, “Did you see that ice cream sandwich station they had? We should really try that out. I mean…we’re already here…and they’re getting ready to switch the menu from lunch to dinner…we need to try it out.”

And so my meal ended with “Round #4” or “Dessert #2,” a vanilla filled chocolate cookie and cookie-crumble-crusted ice cream sandwich. I only managed to finish half of it, and had I tried I might have heaved all over the table. You guys, I ate so much food in the two hours I spent at the Wynn that I didn’t eat again until Sunday morning. I was able to go 44 hours without food.

Here’s another cool pic of Jason from the Spiritualized show I saw at House of Blues.

Did anyone see them at Coachella? What’d they play? Did anyone see them tonight in Joshua Tree? What’d they play?

Now…I don’t remember where I heard this, but I’m pretty sure it’s true. At least it seems like it should be true. When people walk by the Luxor and see all the glittering little sparkles inside the light, they assume, “Eww! Look at all the bugs drawn to the light!” But what I heard is that it’s not actually BUGS you’re looking at, but BATS that flock to the light in order to EAT the BUGS that are drawn to it. It makes more sense to me…because bats are bigger than bugs and I don’t know of any bugs that are big enough to sparkle that bold and bright to the naked eye a few hundred yards away. Anyone want to confirm this? Thanks.

Prurient – Delirium Tremens [MP3]

1 comment

  1. […] for a few weeks whether we should venture over to the Wynn for their buffet (an experience I once documented in 2013), or go with the old reliable Wicked Spoon at the Cosmopolitan. We opted for the latter, […]

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