See My Friends / Help My Friends!

June 3, 2013

Hi guys. I’d just like to take a moment to talk about two projects that friends of mine are currently involved in that could use your support. It seems like whenever I’m in a bind and I reach out to Swan Fungus readers for help, you’re always there to…uh…send me bottles of whiskey with my name engraved on them. Oh, wait. That was just that one time (thanks, Stephen in Japan!). Also, you’ve helped me fund some pretty crazy adventures, like Mousemas Eve this year…or that time I needed to buy a new cell phone and couldn’t afford it because I didn’t have a job! So, clearly you’re not all as stingy with the CASH as I normally am.

First things first. My friend Jon is trying to help finance a short film via Kickstarter, and I think it’s a really cool, unique idea. Jon’s worked on a bunch of short films before (one of which I was even cut out of, even though I had to wake up at 6am on my day off and get make-up’d to look like a junkie), but this one’s special because for the first time he’s including original music he’s composed. As someone who has written songs for the majority of his life and never done anything with them, I’m proud of Jon’s decision to combine his love of songwriting with his love of filmmaking for the first time. It’s for that reason I want to help him realize his fundraising goal.

The film is called String Theory, and it’s about three singer-songwriters living in Hollywood whose paths cross during a profound 24-hour journey. You can watch the launch video by clicking the link I just provided. The minimum pledge is a dollar. You can cough up a dollar, right? You can cough up a lot more too, right? Good. Do it. And spread the word, you know, because you guys always like to see ME succeed at my goals, and now I want to see Jon succeed at his.


Elsewhere in the world of Evan’s friends who do creative things for a living while Evan sits at home getting fat and listening to records, my friend and former roommate(ish, it’s a long story) Jessie just released the sixth episode of her web series “Dude, Where’s My Chutzpah.” The plot is pretty simple: Jessie gets willed a huge sum of money from her grandma (that’s a Bubbie, right? I’m sorry. My Jewish/Yiddish vocabulary is pretty much gone after years of dating non-Jewish girls. Between you and me I didn’t even remember what Chutzpah was, I had to look it up) but in order to get the money she needs to live Jewish for one year. There will be a LOT of Jew jokes. And more Jew jokes. And Holocaust jokes. Heh. The Holocaust.

Listen, I know we all hate Jews (especially my Jewish, readers, amiright!? because we’re all such self-loathers) but Jessie’s funny and she’s making one hell of a web series. Which means its free. Which means you have no reason NOT to watch it. Also, I owe my fame and fortune to her because she once cast me as a gay dog wedding planner in one of her short films. I had to wear this rainbow colored skin-tight sweater and pretend to interview her friend for a job at my doggie wedding planning business, and I had to speak in the most effeminate lisp-y voice I could muster. I was horrified when I saw the results, but also I kind of nailed it. Wait. Do you think that means something!? Oh my God…if that video is online somewhere I might kill myself.

Don’t take it from me. Jessie’s already gotten write-ups from Jewcy (that’s a thing!? how did I not know this before!?) and Gather The Jews. The former actually compared it to HBO’s “Girls,” and the latter described it as “crude” and noted that “this series is not for the easily offended Jew,” which is pretty much the highest compliment one can be paid, right? I’ve been trying to offend people for the past eight years and where has it gotten me!? Nowhere. I mean, there was the one time I got cast as a gay dog weddi– never mind.

Watch Dude Where’s My Chutzpah. Donate to String Theory’s Kickstarter. Help my friends live out their dreams. I think by now we can all agree that my own dream is dead in the water. Floating like a bloated, festering corpse, polluting the local drinking water and stinking up the countryside. Yup, that’s me. Good old reliable Evan. He’ll never achieve anything!

Flys – Name Dropping [MP3]

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