No matter how old you are, no matter how much life you have lived, no matter how many soaring highs and crushing lows you have experienced, and no matter how hard you have tried to make yourself a better, more complete, more lovable person…it never makes having your heart ripped out of your chest any less painful.
I’ve made a lot of bad decisions in my life. I’ve done a lot of things I’m not proud of, and I’ve hurt a lot of people, sometimes intentionally and sometimes unintentionally. Even so, I still try my hardest when I wake up each day to be the best man I can be. I try to bring a smile to at least one person’s face in the course of my day, I try to let the people I care about know how much I love them, and sometimes…when I’m comfortable and secure enough…when I’ve vanquished all the bad thoughts and baggage I tend to carry around with me, I will find myself in a place where I can share with one special person how much I love her.
It’s not easy. It never has been for me. At times the prospect is as daunting as an attempt to ascend Everest. It takes so much work, so much time, so much thought, so many lessons learned, so much determination, all of the heart and soul one can muster…until finally….that first deep breath, free and easy, reborn, energized, ALIVE, atop the greatest peak on Earth, ready to share it all with the only person who matters, the person you put in all the work for, who you learned those lessons for, who you were determined to make happy, who you expected would be there for you to grab a hold of and hug and kiss and cry out with to the heavens, “We made it! We made it! Together!” Because in your mind you WERE together every step of the way. In your mind you were coaching one another and dreaming of one another, and hoping and building towards something so much greater than just the two of you.
That first deep breath.
And then nothing.
I reached the majestic summit only to find myself alone in the void.
And I have to tell you, from the bottom of the deepest sea to the top of the highest peak, there is no worse feeling in this world.
Explosions In The Sky – Your Hand In Mine [MP3]
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