Swan Fungus | Rants
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  • September 23, 2016

    By now you’ve likely seen┬áthat list circulating of the “100 Greatest TV Shows of All Time” as published by an irrelevant pop culture magazine struggling to stay relevant. I won’t link to it. I won’t cite the source. I’ll just say that it’s my belief lists such as this are produced only to keep your sad brand alive, and to generate cheap impressions to […]

  • February 17, 2015

    I was having a conversation with someone the other night and, in the middle of hearing a story, my mind started to wonder. I wish I could remember what my friend was talking about, but in that moment — I guess — I could have cared less. No, in that moment my mind was far, far away from whatever I was supposed to be […]

  • January 21, 2015

    You know what sucks? WordPress. Somehow all my old posts have this weird black-triangle-question-mark ASCII character thing that has taken the place of every single punctuation mark in my posts. Like, check this out. Really? Are you kidding me? Am I supposed to go through this website page by page and just…fix all those? Or should I just delete everything and start from […]

  • March 7, 2014

    Time does not heal all wounds. Cuts, nicks, scrapes? Maybe. A minor lesion, sure. But wounds? When wounds turn to black scabs that flake away like so many burnt pages, what is left is the raw, rosy pink tinge of new tissue. Days, weeks, even months might diminish its hue, but the fact remains, the pattern is changed. The fabric of skin will never […]

  • February 27, 2014

    I don’t really care about the Oscars. I never watch them, the fashion doesn’t interest me, the speeches usually don’t impress me, and at the end of the day I don’t really think any of us care who or what goes down in film history as being the “best” of a given year. Honestly, if you held a gun to my head I couldn’t […]

  • February 26, 2014

    Guys, if VICE can try to steal my idea, the best I can do is defend my crown as Definitive Festival Lineup Antagonizer. Every year some idiot shows up here thinking the views expressed in these posts truly reflect my opinions of the artists I choose to critique. I would hope people don’t take this too seriously, but then again in 2012 I was […]

  • February 4, 2014

    During my recent re-watch of THE WIRE, this line stuck out to me. It’s delivered by an underrated, secondary character during the waning episodes of Season 4. In a conversation about a young drug dealer who is rapidly — and violently — rising to power, two dealers working under another boss converse about so much more than just one man. – He’s a cold […]

  • January 29, 2014

    I’m átired. Like, really fucking tired. Didn’t sleep well Monday night. Slept 2.5 hours last night. I’m working a long, six-day week starting tomorrow. I have a screening to attend tonight. I’d rather just curl up in bed, but…you know…friends. You don’t get to see them as much as you’d like to and it feels good to support them in their endeavors. And sometimes […]

  • October 29, 2013

    The room was dark. We sat basked in the television’s warm glowing warming glow. Suddenly I noticed a bright light in my periphery. Its origin was one of my roommates. He was playing Candy Crush. It was at that moment I came to the realization that neither of us gave a shit about The Walking Dead anymore. I looked to my right and to […]

  • June 27, 2013

    There’s nothing quite like meandering around the Internet only to stumble across an article that really SPEAKS to you. You know what I’m talking about? Like, maybe you’re tired of looking at animated GIFs on Reddit, and you’ve exhausted your RSS reader’s daily assortment of news stories, and suddenly a couple errant clicks lead you to a revelation. That’s what just happened to me […]