Every once in a while, I happen upon something at the store that consumes me. At the beginning of this year, I came across a copy of Jerry Garcia’s “classic” 1972 album Garcia while processing a record collection. Inside the cover I found some tri-folded pieces of old fax paper that contained a letter from a raver chick to her friend. It was a Found (URL) goldmine. You can read the contents of the letter here. To that point, working at a record store and processing collections was only a cool job in theory. It has always been exciting to stumble over a rare and valuable record, or even a title I’ve never seen in person before. Finding  treasures that people have hidden inside album sleeves are like receiving kisses from God. One of my co-workers one unearthed a multiple-page typed letter from a graduate student to a professor about people on campus who worked for the government and were trying to control his mind. My boss has found everything from hundreds of dollars in cash to cocaine while checking the condition of records he purchased from customers. This past week I was processing a new vinyl collection my store had acquired, and I came across a record I definitely had never seen before. It was something completely unique, with absolutely no history to it whatsoever. This shit can’t be researched on Google. I think it’s one-of-a-kind.

The record is housed in a plain white sleeve with a small label glued to the front. It reads: “ZIA CUSTOM RECORD PRODUCTIONS present A PSYCHIATRIST’S ADVICE to the WORRIED and DEPRESSED by W. PARK RICHARDSON, M.D.. W. Park Richardson, M.D., Psychiatrist and Neurologist, is a member of the American Psychiatric Association, the American Medical Association, The New York City and New York County Medical Societies, and the Military Surgeons Association. Dr. Richardson was graduated from Stanford University and the Stanford University Medical School. In addition to his experience in private practice as a psychiatrist and neurologist, his background includes post graduate and resident work at the Bellevue Psychiatric Hospital, the Vanderbilt Clinic of New York City, and the New York State Psychiatric Institute and Hospital. During World War II, Dr. Richardson served in the Medical Corps of the U.S. Army as a Psychiatrist, and during this period he inaugurated and conducted mental hygiene clinics and rehabilitation programs.”

This, of course, told me nothing about the album. So, I looked inside and pulled out the orange vinyl LP to read the labels. Side A contains roughly 21 minutes of dialog, and side B is blank. The label on Side B reads: “It is the policy of Zia Custom Recorded Productions to make available to those interested people, certain outstanding contributions from the recognized professional world. In this recorded work, “A Psychiatrist’s Advice to the Worried and Depressed,” Zia presents the work of W. Park Richardson, M.D. Dr. Richardson is a well known practicing psychiatrist whose years of experience reflects itself in a wholesome and refreshing manner. In no way is this material or its presentation intended to replace or suggest deviation from the normal channels of therapy, but this contained advice, directed to you the listener, may benefit you in many ways.”

So…no more information given on the record labels. I was convinced I would have to listen to it to get an idea of what the disc contained. Still, I wanted to know more about the production and release of the album. I searched Google for references to the doctor and Zia. All I came up with was a link to someone’s private art collection with a portrait of Richardson which dates from 1920. Surely the recording wasn’t that old.

I tried to put the record back in its sleeve, and noticed i could not fit it properly. That’s when I realized I should have looked for an insert. Buried in the sleeve, tucked up against the spine of the cover, was a piece of paper. I unfolded it and beheld its glory. Jackpot.

Click to enlarge

The letter is addressed to a Seymour Heller of Hollywood, California. It is dated July 11th, 1955. So the record must be at least 50 years old, if not older. The letter reads: “Dear Seymour: A pleasure to see you again, reference the Sahara-Las Vegas. As per my promise, I’m enclosing with my compliments of course, our recorded production “A Psychiatrist’s Advice to the Worried and Depressed” by W. Park Richardson, M.D. Several years ago, following Crystalette and several other ventures, I found myself on the unwell list, and it was during this period that I conceived the idea of producing an authentic recorded production of this type so that such material could be made available for interested persons. It has been an extreme pleasure since releasing this record to report that it has been a great aid to many persons and that the demand for it has more than fulfilled my original estimate. These past years I have noted with more than a passing interest, your continued success, and in the same token I can appreciate the hard work and demands that are necessary. Include my personal congratulations along with many others for this continued success. Best Regards, Paul Scheibner, San Diego, CA.”

Okay, so the record was produced by a guy named Paul Scheibner who was once involved in a venture called Crystalette (perhaps Crystallete records, which put out dozens of records between 1949 and 1963). It was given as a gift to a successful person named Seymour Heller. Heller has his own Wikipedia page, which made researching him very easy. Born in 1914, dead in 2001, he was an American talent agent an artist’s manager whose most famous client was Liberace, whom he signed in 1950 and represented until his death in 1987. In 1954, he and two other agents began what was to be the first national personal management company in America. This must be the “continued success” of which Scheibner speaks in the letter. A pretty famous guy in the worlds of Los Angeles and talent agencies. This, of course, makes the record a really cool artifact, both of its unusual subject matter, and the included letter. I don’t think I have any use for it in my personal collection, so I priced the record and figure someone will buy it for its kitsch value. Of course, I had to document its existence for an instance such as this, where I can awe somebody with a neat little story. Hell, if you want the record (includes the letter, of course), find my contact information (it’s not hard) and I’ll let you know if it is still in stock.

For now, enjoy the contents of the vinyl. I’ll be back in two weeks to write about something entirely different.

W. Park Richardson, MD – A Psychiatrist’s Advice To The Worried And Depressed

Technorati Tags: Found, Liberace, W. Park Richardson

Tonight’s mix tape has absolutely nothing to do with hamburgers, but given some time I might somehow find a way to connect each of these artists or song titles to a delicious burger. That’s an idea for a future mix tape!

RULES for uninitiated noobs: With roughly 100MB of webspace, I give birth to a weekly Mix Tape to be deposited on your iPods or Zunes or Kingklangs or whatever the industry is currently pushing on you. Sometimes there will be themes that link all the songs together, other times I’ll just throw songs at a wall (not literally) and see what sticks. This week doesn’t really have a theme, but almost every track has a cool experimental/noise/drone aspect to it. The goal of this endeavor, as always, is to pique your interest in these artists so you’ll support the artists and buy their albums.

Sunday Mix Tape – Number 175
Abandon Home All Ye Who Desire Melody

01. Woodsman – Bow And Arrow
02. Richard Skelton – Noon Hill Wood
03. Lau Nau – Ruustusuu
04. The Goslings – God Is A Bird
05. Darwinsbitch – Induction Cuts
06. Sunburned Hand Of The Man – A Red Rag To A Bull
07. Black To Comm – Musik Fur Alle
08. Zelienople – Trees And Sparks
09. Hamza El Din – Song With Tar
10. Oren Ambarchi – The Strouhal Number
11. Uton – We’re Only In It For The Spirit (Track 4)
12. Ginnungagap – Guenevere Of The Ganges
13. Eternal Tapestry – Cathedral Of Radiance
14. Henry Flynt – Violin Strobe
15. Axolotl – Of Bonds In General (Track 3)

Technorati Tags: Axolotl, Experimental, Free-Form, Ginnugagap, Henry Flint, MP3s, Music, Oren Ambarchi, Richard Skelton, Sunburned Hand Of The Man, The Goslings, Zelienople

• Have you ever wondered why time flies when you’re older? No? Okay, then there’s no reason for you to read the next few sentences. If this is something you wonder about, scientists are here to help. They say it has a lot to do with “firsts.” That is to say, you can recall your first kiss or your first summer vacation much more clearly than your last. Our memories apparently contain more information and details from first times than any other times. As we repeat experiences as adults, we store information differently. We are “embroidering a bank of previous experiences,” instead of starting fresh. I’m no scientist, but I think time feels like it’s flying when I’m older because I have more responsibilities. I don’t have weekends “off” anymore, and on days I don’t work I more often than not have something else that needs to be done. I could probably continue to sit around get high all the time if I wanted, but that’d make me an even bigger loser than I already am, and one of my goals for this year is to will myself into becoming less of a loser…which is why I’m obsessed with an online board game right now. Ah, fuck it. [story]

• It’s 2010, and several news sources are beginning to ratchet up their 2012 coverage. The Monitor has a story about a Mexican journalist who is preparing to present evidence of UFO sightings, and thinks “mankind will see a market change in the year 2012.” Aside from the fact that this moron thinks we care about his UFO revelations, he is further hindered by the fact that he’s Mexican. When was the last time you actually listened to what a Mexican was telling you? [story]

• This article is about a new pill that has been synthesized which can help us all live to be 100 years old. I didn’t read the article, because I instantly focused on the inset image of the old couple holding hands. What is this, a Cialis commercial? Are you serious, Express.co.uk? You couldn’t find a picture of DNA or a pill or something, you had to steal a picture from an online add about male enhancement? [story]

• Scientists theorize that you can only have 150 friends. That’s the limit that the human brain can absorb. So quit trying to act like you’re super popular with your thousands of Facebook friends, we all know you acquaint yourself with less than 2% of those people. As for me, I don’t even think I could absorb that many friends. I think I have, like, three friends. And none of them exist when they are not in my presence. I just forget them. While on the topic, I think that Facebook and Twitter should do away with the whole “Friends” and “Followers” thing, and simply replace it with “Minions.” Because I don’t form mutual bonds with people, I just have a growing army of underlings who live to serve me. [story]

• Was it merely coincidence that during the last week in January — just as LOST season six was set to premiere — a thousand-year-old temple complex in northwest Peru was found under large sand dunes? I think not. [story]

• This article, “Animals on drugs: 11 unlikely highs” would be absolutely amazing if I could actually read it without having to register for some stupid fucking website I only want to read once. Fuck you, New Scientist. Now I’ll never register for your wesbite, out of spite, and I’ll tell all my readers not to register, and they’ll listen to me because I’m their Maharishi. [story]

• Looking for advice on how to build the perfect snack stadium for your gay-ass Super Bowl party? LOOK NO FURTHER! [story]

• Last night Nicci and I went for dinner at Yoma Myanmar in Monterey Park. It was our first time eating Burmese food. The lamb curry was delicious. The tea leaf salad was definitely a new kind of flavor that neither of us have experienced before. The fried chayote was really good, especially with the spicy dipping sauce. The Burmese fried catfish was not good at all. If you’re looking for something new and you’re in the area, you should try it. The owner/server is a very nice woman. She was constantly checking to see if we were enjoying ourselves, she made us a huge container of sticky rice as a bonus side, and she gave us free coconut jello for dessert. Then she boxed everything we didn’t finish up for us and sent us on our way like a cute little Southeast Asian Jewish mother with no command of the English language.

• I hope you all enjoy tomorrow’s big football game. I’d play, but I think I tore something bench-pressing a Jeep last week. It doesn’t hurt too bad, I just don’t want to aggravate it. Plus I think football is for pussies. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to drink a Diet Coke, eat some yogurt, and play an online board game.

Mahogany Brain – Diamond Voices Of Stars (Have I used this one before? …I think so…)
Acetone – Hound Dog
Don Caballero – Rollerblade Success Story

Technorati Tags: 2012, Acetone, Burmese Food, Don Caballero, Facebook, lost, Mahogany Brain, Science, Super Bowl, UFOs

More often than not, when Evan comes over to my house after work he’ll sit on the couch and tinker with his laptop for at least an hour, and eventually mutter “what will I blog about today…” to which I respond “Me!” When he came over today, I asked what he was going to blog about, and he told me I was going to write the entry today.  So either a) he’s too hungover to make his brain function properly, or b) he’s trying to shut me up — if I want to be written about so much, why shouldn’t I just do it myself? Well I’ll tell you why: I’m not a writer. It’s never been a strength of mine, and I’ve never particularly liked it. I can’t remember writing a single essay in high school; either they were boring and unmemorable, or I just didn’t write them. Although I’ve kept a journal consistently since third grade, it is only to remember specific things or to vent my feelings. I’d hardly call it art. I don’t know why Evan thinks I can do this.

Whoa, see that? I finished a whole paragraph! This is already going better than I planned. Since I’m sure he knew I wouldn’t be able to come up with a topic on my own, Evan suggested that I make a top ten list. A top ten list of my favorite Broadway shows…though I’ve only actually seen one show ON Broadway. I would like to apologize in advance that I’ll be writing the official Friday Top Ten list that I’m sure you all look forward to all week long. Don’t worry, Evan will be back with a real one next week. He does pride himself in those lists, if you haven’t noticed. I think he may even be under the impression that he started the trend. Anyhow, lets just get on with it…

Nicci’s Top Ten Seven Favorite Broadway Shows

7) Phantom of the Opera – I might have been in fourth grade when I saw this with my family in San Francisco. We were standing on a street corner trying to figure out which way to go to get to the theater when a woman who was in the cast approached us and offered to walk us there. When the show ended we met her at the stage door and she had the entire cast sign programs for us. What I remember most about this particular experience was the feeling in the pit of my stomach as the show ended. I couldn’t shake it for at least a week. I’ve since realized that the feeling was the need to be on stage. Blah blah blah, on to the next one…

6) Wicked – When I returned to LA from visiting family for the holidays two years ago, I found a hand made Christmas card on my bed, containing a pair of raffle ticket “vouchers” to see Wicked. This was one of Evan’s attempts to woo me, and it must have worked because here I am two years later doing his work for him while he listens to obscure music and plays “Settlers of Catan” online. This show describes itself as “the untold story of the witches of OZ”. It was good, and I think Evan enjoyed it even more than I did! Also, I’m pretty sure the choreographer for the production of RENT (it’s all caps, like how Evan writes LOST) that I’ll be doing soon played Elphaba — the main character — in that performance.

5) Chicago – The acting school I went to is just up the street from the Pantages theater in Hollywood, a big beautiful venue where nearly all of the touring Broadway shows go. As students, there were a certain number of free tickets reserved for each show to whoever signed up first. This was one of the shows I got to see for free, and it had Patti Labelle playing “Mama”. She was just ok, but everyone else in the cast wowed me.

4) Company – I really should go to New York more often. My sister does live there after all. The one and only time I’ve been so far was two years ago for Thanksgiving. My mom, sister, and I went to see Grey Gardens on Broadway. As you can see, that one didn’t make the list. It wasn’t bad, but the most overpowering recollection I have of that show was a number where they were singing about a woman keeping cats in her basement, with videos of cats projected all over the stage. Too weird. I recommended we see Company at an Off-Broadway theater. I didn’t know much about the show, but I’d heard some of the music and I thought my family would like it. It turned out to be better than I had expected. All of the actors also served as the band, with each of them playing at least one if not more instruments. The story is about learning how to love and let people in, for one man in particular. That character doesn’t actually play an instrument until the very end of the show, when he finally realizes how to open his heart. It was impressive, to say the least.

3) The Last Five Years – So, I’ve never actually seen this one, but I’m making the rules here so that’s not a requirement. Songs from this show could not be escaped at my college. I’m pretty sure every girl wanted to play Cathy and every guy wanted to play Jamie. I know almost every word of every song, and it’s written brilliantly. It’s a story of a couple’s five year relationship, with the woman’s story moving from the end to the beginning of the relationship, while the man’s moves from beginning to end. They only sing two songs together: in the middle of the show when he’s proposing to her, and at the end when she arrives home from their first date and he is leaving for the last time. It’s heartbreaking and funny and wonderful. Ugh, I love this show.

2) RENT – Up until recently, RENT has been my favorite show. I first learned about it when I was in a talent show, probably 11 years old. I can’t remember why, but my friend and I decided to do a scene from Tom and Huck. How can you expect to win a talent show by doing a scene? Obviously, we didn’t. Another act that didn’t win was a group of four girls who sang “Seasons of Love,” which I learned was from RENT. In the years following that, I downloaded all the songs from Napster, and tried to figure out what the hell the show was about. For some time I wasn’t sure if the person who played Mimi was a man or a woman. If you’ve heard Daphne Rubin-Vega sing, you know what I’m talking about. The summer before ninth grade I finally saw the show with my family. It was a little uncomfortable at times — sitting next to my parents through all the talk of homosexuality and AIDS, plus an orgy in the middle of the second act — but as a whole this show blew me away. You can watch Team America and make fun of it all you want, but really what it comes down to is story about unconditional love.

1) Spring Awakening – Another show I fell in love with before seeing it. My sister had the pleasure of seeing the original cast on Broadway and had nothing but good things to say about it. I think the first thing I saw was a song performed on The View (this performance is a little pitchy) and even that was spectacular. I found clips of the show in it’s entirety on Myspace and watched them consecutively (which was so much easier than my younger RENT researching days) and parts actually brought me to tears. The play touches on some mature themes: suicide, abortion, bondage, masturbation, homosexuality, child abuse, and rape. Yeah, totally uplifting. It was originally written for the stage in 1891 by Frank Wedekind, and was banned in Germany because of its subject matter. I finally saw a touring company perform the show live a little over a year ago, and that was the point where I realized I needed to act again. It really was inspiring. And if you read this website often enough you know that I played Mimi in RENT (in Alabama!) a few months ago, and will be reprising the role in California soon.

So, there you have it. Seven was all I could muster. I don’t know how Evan comes up with ten every time. These shows are all very much worth seeing — in any incarnation — if you get the opportunity. Also, this is probably the last time you’ll hear from me, unless it’s in the comments.

If you really want to get a good feel for these shows, you have to listen to these songs all the way through. Some of them start to really get going about halfway through, so give it a shot.

• Spring Awakening – The Bitch of Living

• Wicked – No Good Deed (real words start at about 0:50)

• The Last Five Years – Still Hurting

• RENT – I’ll Cover You (Reprise)

• Chicago – Cell Block Tango

Technorati Tags: Broadway, Chicago, Company, Phantom Of The Opera, RENT, Spring Awakening, The Last Five Years, Theater, Wicked

I thought finding out you could play Farkle on the Internet sounded the death knell for my ability to accomplish anything. Then today I found a free Java-based website where you can play Settlers of Catan online against people around the world (They call it Xplorers, but it’s identical to Catan). Needless to say, that revelation — coupled with a hangover from massive drinking exhibiion last night — has left me utterly incapable of focusing on a task any larger than my laptop’s monitor.

I’m not normally one to find myself in a comatose state following a night of partying. Usually I’m awake and good to go, or I’ll just go on no sleep and hack it for as long as I can. I used to prefer working on New Years Day at my old job because I would roll up at 8am and only have to interact with maybe ten people all day. The pay rate was increased, too. Maybe it’s a sign of aging that I all of a sudden find myself decimated by the results of a long night of alcohol consumption. The last time I woke up with a hangover I strolled into work on time feeling just a little bit dehydrated. This morning I woke up with such a crushing headache and sore body I contemplated pissing myself because I was too achy to stand up and walk to the bathroom. In hindsight that might have been the saddest/funniest moment of my life. Oh well, there’s always next time.

As if it couldn’t get any worse than considering pissing in my bed this morning, I received even more disappointing news upon awakening from my drunken coma: I had to turn down an invitation to dine at Bouchon because the reservation was made for Valentine’s Day. Such heartbreak.

And now I can’t even think of anything to blog about because there’s a game of Catan open in the background and I’m more excited about that stupid female voice potentially saying, “Your Turn!” so that I can once again slide into a thoughtless, idealess malaise with the laptop I so adore. Next thing you know, I’m going to find out that you can play the original version of Civilization, or Scorched Earth, or Super Play Action Football (SNES), and then I’ll have to cut off all contact with friends and family. And I won’t care. It’ll be like 5th grade all over again.

Richard Skelton – Remaindered
Windy & Carl – Wool And Water
Xasthur – Cemetary Of Shattered Masks

Technorati Tags: Bouchon, Hangover, Richard Skelton, Settlers Of Catan, Windy & Carl, Xasthur

I think the title explains this one well enough. It’s music from the greatest television series ever conceived. The main title for the first season was written by Bernard Herrmann, who also scored several episodes of the show. Jerry Goldsmith, and Marius Contant, who also wrote a version of the main title for the show.

Various Artists
The Best of Rod Serling’s The Twilight Zone: Original Television Scores
MediaFire DL Link

Tracklist:
01. Marius Contant – Main Title
02. Jerry Goldsmith – The Invaders
03. Bernard Herrmann – Where Is Everybody?
04. Nathan Van Cleave – I Sing The Body Electric
05. Jerry Goldsmith – Jazz Theme
06. Rene Garriguenc – Jazz Theme
07. Jerry Goldsmith – Nervous Man In A Four Dollar Room
08. Bernard Herrmann – Walking Distance
09. Marius Contant – End Title

This is blog entry number 1968. The same year James “Sawyer” Ford was born. Coincidence? TRICK QUESTION! In LOST there are no coincidences!

Oh my God, you guys — LOST premieres tonight. For the last time. I don’t know whether to geek out and get all giddy, or shy away and try to hide my watery eyes. It’s a lot like fathering a child, or finding the absolute best hamburger in the world. LOST is one of those things in life that can toy with your emotions on a whim, and it does pretty much on a weekly basis as it is airing. My sister recently described LOST as being like, “finding the man of my dreams, and realizing he’s a Cowboys fan.” Hell, the show is capable of sabotaging your feelings even after you’ve seen every episode multiple times, as evidenced by this most recent re-watch experiment I undertook with some friends. LOST is all things to all men, and even some geeky women.

This is why it’s so important that everyone who loves the show make predictions about what questions are going to be answered and how they will be answered this coming season. Doc Jensen over at Entertainment Weekly recently posited eight different theories which he believes could be confirmed over the course of LOST’s final episodes (“‘LOST‘: How It Ends (Maybe)”). I’ve watched the show — a lot — and I think I can come up with some good theories too. So, I’m going to do that for you today. I’ll check back over the course of the next few months to chart my progress. Maybe I’ll go 0 for 10. Maybe I’ll go 10 for 10. Hell, if I get even one right I think I’ll consider it a success. It’s kind of like the test you have to take to become a US Census worker.

What Is The Island
It’s a place where miracles happen. That’s it. They’re not going to give us any more information than that, and that’s okay. We get that it’s old, and because of that people will draw elusions to Atlantis or Eden or Narnia or whatever, but we’re not going to get a real definition or explanation. It’s just a plot of land home to some unusual organic properties, where miracles can happen. Period.

What Is The Monster
It wouldn’t surprise me if the monster is revealed to be the Man In Black. I think most of the definitions about the monster given to us at this point have done enough to define what it is for us. It’s a security system meant to protect the ancient history/mythology of the island, and it is used to judge. I don’t know if we’ll get any more information about the monster other than how long it’s been around, or what its name is.

What Are The Numbers
I don’t know if they’re going to answer this one either. They are one of the means by which the main characters are connected. That is to say, they are like Jacob touching all the survivors of Oceanic 815 in the final episode of season five. This coming season we are going to learn why everybody on the show has been brought together. How they are brought together is through a series of coincidences and fate. The continued appearance of the numbers — both as a whole and individually — are one of the clues we are given to realize that the characters are all bound by some gossamer, and are supposed to come together to achieve some overarching goal.

Is Everyone From Oceanic 815 Connected
Obviously. I think I just answered that. We’ve seen since the beginning of the show that everybody is connected. That’s why the show utilized flashbacks. That’s why, in everybody’s flashbacks, we saw them passing through one another’s lives, or saw connections between characters. We saw Sawyer and Christian together. We learned about Jack and Claire long before they did. The connection itself is a non-issue at this point. Anyone who has seen the show knows that its characters are associated with one another on multiple levels. The question now is, why?

What’s Up With the Ghosts, Like Mr. Eko’s Brother, Jack’s Father, Kate’s Horse, And Sayid’s Cat?
For the most part, Jensen’s theory here seems fair. The smoke monster could be taking a more human form than it’s normal black lightning cloud in order to get a closer look at the Losties and see whether or not their continued struggle towards some ending is justified. If you believe the smoke monster is the Man In Black, he could easily be pushing them to help him. Or, they could just be ghosts. Hurley and Miles have admitted that they can see ghosts. Maybe all the characters can and they just don’t know it or realize it. And maybe it will turn out to be just another thread tying them all together, reminding us that they are bound to one another to perform some greater task.

Who Are Jacob And The Man In Black And What Is The Nature Of Their Conflict? And What Is “The Loophole”?
Jensen goes a bit off his rocker here. Especially in regard to the his theory about a loophole, which he doesn’t even really address. He defines a loophole, but doesn’t say what the actual loophole was. So, I’ll address that first. I think the loophole was one of two things: First, it could have been “bad Locke” (read: The Man In Black as John Locke) telling Richard Alpert to go take the bullet out of “good Locke”s leg, while informing “good Locke” that he would have to die to save his friends. If we are to assume the Man In Black can take the form of the deceased (see: all the ghosts on the island), his best chance for killing Jacob would be to inhabit the form of John Locke. How does he get there? Locke has to die and come back to the island. The other explanation of the literal loophole could be that Man In Black himself could not deliver the fatal blow to Jacob, so he needed to convince Ben that it was his job. So he took the form of Alex briefly (notice Locke was out of the picture at the time!) to tell him to listen to John Locke or die, then returned to the body of Locke to tell him that he should kill Jacob. Loophole closed. As for the question of who are Jacob and the Man In Black, well…they could be old Island caretakers, or they could be Gods. If we’re to believe all the ancient mythology noise being thrust upon us with statues and hieroglyphics, the odds are pointing to them being ancient entities, possibly deities. And that Jacob asked Ilana for her help in the season five finale probably means that she has some great power too, just like he and the Man In Black.

Who Are The Others? And Why Doesn’t Richard Alpert Age?
The others are the island’s indigenous inhabitants, decedents of whatever group originally settled there. You know, the people who constructed the temple and the statue and all the tunnels and caves. I think maybe only the original inhabitants of the island can give birth, too. I don’t think the same birth/death issues befall them as they do to outsiders, like the DHARMA Initiative and anyone else who has not descended from the Others. Richard Alpert doesn’t age as a result of some deal with Jacob. Conventional logic says that he arrived on the Black Rock. It wouldn’t surprise me if they explained him as having been there even longer than that. Ben says he’s very, very, very old. The Black Rock ran aground on the island in 1845. If Richard was his current age then, he’d be like…what, 200 years old? Wouldn’t it be cooler if he was 1,000 years old? I think so…

How Will John Locke’s Story End?
Unfortunately, I don’t think the producers of the show see Locke’s story as the most important one in the series. If we are to believe that the end of the show as conceived during the first season, it probably has a lot to do with Jack and not so much to do with Locke. This is a shame, because Jack is a perpetually annoying character (or was until the latter half of season five) and Locke has been an amazing character since the beginning of the show. I think the end of his story will lead to his being installed as the leader of the Others. Maybe he’ll even be granted eternal life if he chooses to stay there. Of course, he’ll have to be resurrected as “good Locke” first.

I’m pretty confident in my theories, but at the same time…this is LOST. The producers make habit out of frustrating us whenever we think we’re finally going to learn something. Could the show end without resolving anything and still be considered an absolute stunner of a series? Yes! We’ve waited five seasons for big answers and haven’t gotten many. Yet we’re all still watching every week in the hopes of learning something new or seeing something amazing happen. Would it really be a disappointment if not everything was explained? I don’t think so. I think it would benefit the mythology of LOST, and cause it’s feverish fanbase to keep its flame alive long after it ceases to exist (in the present). With any luck, LOST will be revered as much as Twin Peaks in the coming decade(s). And, much like Rousseau’s transmission, it will continue to shock and amaze newcomers for a very long, long time.

As for me, I just want to find out how it ends for Walt. He’s such a special boy…

Ruth White – The Litanies Of Satan
Chihei Hatakeyama – Phantasm
Eliane Radigue – Onward 19