[2008-02-10 T23:09]

Guess who decided to update his website's front page for the first time in three months? If you guessed "Evan", I'm sorry to say that you're wrong. Evan doesn't operate this website anymore. Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Elvin, and I'm going to be running the show here at Swan Fungus for the next few months (probably). There are going to be several drastic changes around here, too. I'm going to do all the things that Evan was too drunk or lazy to do. His empty promises left a sour taste in all our mouths, believe me. They tasted like...well...something sour, I guess. The point is, I'm gonna fix Evan's mistakes. You can count on that. Elvin is synonymous with progress.

My first order of business as acting webmaster will be to remove that pesky "Podcast" link at the top of the page, because there hasn't been a new podcast in almost a year. My second order of business will be to upload more of Evan's travel photographs, because there have been more travels since the last update. Hell, I might even finally get around to uploading all of Evan's fiction and non-fiction writings, because he clearly has lost the desire to share his writing with the world. It's like he doesn't want to be the next Raymond Carver anymore. It's like he's settled for being a tenth-rate Chuck Klosterman, only instead of writing really shitty books and horrible pop culture columns for shitty magazines, Evan just writes really, REALLY shitty blog entries making fun of people like Chuck Klosterman.

My third order of business will be Chinese food for dinner. Get it? Order? Like, to order food? That's a good one. See, this is the type of humor you should get used to reading, because it's going to be plastered all over this website until the next time Evan or I are truly bored and have absolutely nothing better to do than to update this website.

Check out the blog. It totally sucks!

Don't bother with the Black Horse Music link, it all sounds the same! Like shit!

Forget "Avant-Scarred." More like...Avant-BORING!

Here's hoping the next time you douche it's with a porcupine,

Elvin.

For those of you who are new to swanfungus, it is a portal for the various artistic ventures of one Evan LeVine: A man so great it's fitting nobody's heard of him!