I received an e-mail the other day from an unknown entity asking about my advertising rates. Naturally these things are bound to happen when one reaches the forefront of the blog community. I responded rather succinctly with my current rate for a one year text link on an archived entry. The response I received was a total low-ball offer. I decided to investigate the wannabe advertiser’s e-mail address, and a simple Google search rewarded me with a plethora of blog entries related to scams perpetuated by businesspeople using the same domain address. Apparently these people ask for your advertising rate, then send you a a certified check for too much money. Then they ask you to cash the check and send them a refund. Most people don’t wait for the check to clear (which it won’t, because it’s phony) so they send the company money, and then lose out when the check bounces. Then you have to pay the bank fee for the bounced check, you don’t get any money, and you’ve sent your own money to the scammers. Sounds crazy right? Well, I decided when I came home from work today that I would pour myself a stiff glass of Elijah Craig aged 18 years single barrel Kentucky straight bourbon (as I often do) and have some fun with the scammers. Two can play at this game!
from: Name@Domain.net
to: gothbrooks@gmail.com
date: Tue, Jul 20, 2010 at 1:04am
subject: Re: Advertising on “Swan Fungus”
Hi,
Currently I’m promoting some drug rehab sites. I thought on a page like: [link to Swan Fungus page]
Perhaps something in a past post – only the keywords would be linked to the site. I’m sure you have far more clever ideas for inserting the text into the post. Would you consider $50 to keep it up for a year? I’m sure we can work something out.
Also, if you’re looking for an intern-I’m female, relatively cute, and scored a 1300 on my SATs. Just sayin’
[Name]
That’s the e-mail that set me off on my web search. Maybe it’s the combination of whiskey and hindsight, but doesn’t that read like the most obviously scammy advertising inquiry you’ve ever seen? Well, here’s my response:
from: gothbrooks@gmail.com
to: Name@Domain.net
date: Tue, July 20,2010 at 1:56am
subject: Re: Advertising on “Swan Fungus”
Hi [Name],
$50 isn’t enough. I’ve gotten $150 regularly from other companies, $200 a few times and $350 once for single text ad placement on past posts.
I need a picture if I’m going to hire an intern. You can never be too careful these days. Consider Swan Fungus the American Apparel of the blogosphere.
Regards,
Evan
I didn’t expect to receive a response, so I was shocked when my e-mail thing blinked just a few minutes later. Picture attached. Amazing. These scam artists sure are getting cagey these days. They’ve got stock photographs and everything ready to attach to an e-mail on the off-chance one of their target asks them — completely out of left field — to provide a picture in order to facilitate an advertising deal.
from: Name@Domain.net
to: gothbrooks@gmail.com
date: Tue, July 20,2010 at 2:20am
subject: Re: Advertising on “Swan Fungus”
Evan,
Well, we should still be able to work something out:) I simply want it in a past post, and even though this post has lower ranking than I would hope for, it’s fun to read, and the link is relevant. What would you charge?
Were you referencing the sidebar links for tickets you have? Sorry, I’m snoopy.
As for the intern position, I would have to relocate, as I am on the other side of the states. I suppose that’s just one more pipe dream I’ll chase in my sleep.

However, because I am odd, and feel the urge to redeem myself, see above (that is my sis’s hand I cropped her out). Just don’t pick on me.
Best,
[Name]
Wow. Since when are Internet scammers so personable? I decided last night (early this morning) that maybe I should get some rest and re-evaluate the proposal later. Maybe this would turn out not to be a scam — Ah, who am I kidding, I woke up totally thinking it was still a scam. So, like any blogger worth his weight in Google Analytics (what?) my mission became to see how far I could take this.
from: gothbrooks@gmail.com
to: Name@Domain.net
date: Tue, July 20,2010 at 9:07pm
subject: Re: Advertising on “Swan Fungus”
[Name],
What do you mean we should be able to work something out? I told you the rates, even in the past post. $150 would be my lowest possible offer.
I was not referencing the sidebar links. I’ve had leaderboard links on individual pages for years, and the standard rate is at least $150 a year (that’s, like, less than 50-cents per day).
As for the intern position, where are you located? There could be some telecommuting possibilities. Do you have any experience with GoToMeeting? I could hold a seminar for you to teach you about your duties as intern. I guess Skype would work too if you don’t want to pay for software.
Are you emotionally stable? Most women aren’t. You could always move in with me. Most of the intern duties would take place in my apartment. You’d be mailing care packages to readers and making my bed and keeping my vinyl organized alphabetically. That’s just the start.
Regards,
Evan
Again, I did not anticipate a response from the scammer. Clearly this person’s desire to con me out of my money is very strong. At this point it had only been 20 hours since first contact, but it was the longest con I had ever willingly subjected myself to. Who knew if it would continue after my insane reply.
from: Name@Domain.net
to: gothbrooks@gmail.com
date: Tue, July 20,2010 at 9:39pm
subject: Re: Advertising on “Swan Fungus”
Evan,
I can do $150, but my boss needs to see it up before he sends payment, to make sure it is correctly coded, followed, blah blah blah. Payment should come within 24 hours of when I send the request. Would that be acceptable?
I’m in [East Coast State], and emotionally stable except for my love of cheep beer. I do think my boy would frown upon me moving out there, to live with a man he’s not met (who consequently is not him).
Told ya it was a fleeting fancy:(
[Name]
A ha! The game is a foot, my friends. And this time the scammers have taken this scam to the next level. Suddenly the funds have appeared even though my demand was 200% higher than their initial offer. Either I’m a really good negotiator, or they suck at scamming people. Wait, if they’re going to send me a fake $150 check I guess that doesn’t even matter. I could have asked for $500 and they probably would have agreed if the check was just going to bounce anyway. Notice how the scammer also suddenly backtracks on the intern request? She’s clearly lying. No fake scammer has a boyfriend. This person probably isn’t even a girl. Girls don’t perpetrate online fraud. My guess is the scammer realized I was about to accept the $150 offer and wanted to tie things up in a neat little bow. Can’t move to LA, here’s your fake check!
from: gothbrooks@gmail.com
to: Name@Domain.net
date: Tue, July 20,2010 at 10:56pm
subject: Re: Advertising on “Swan Fungus”
How will you be sending payment? I need to know before we proceed with any of this.
I’m sorry, but I want my intern to follow me blindly into war. Fleeting fancy? Just take a leap of faith. This internship could open many doors for you. I know people in high places. Plus, this is Los Angeles. Your hillbilly boyfriend doesn’t hold a candle to the rich Jew producers in this town, none of whom I can introduce to you.
Regards,
Evan
Ha! Try to talk you way out of that one, scammer! You’re going to send me a check aren’t you!
from: Name@Domain.net
to: gothbrooks@gmail.com
date: Tue, July 20,2010 at 11:04pm
subject: Re: Advertising on “Swan Fungus”
I prefer PayPal — it’s faster and fare more efficient than snail mail.
You wouldn’t like me much. I am a co-conspirator, not a follower. I am probably not right for the position.
Best,
[Name]
Oh, shit. PayPal? I didn’t plan for this contingency. Um…time for a new plan! Stall Evan! Stall! Stall, get another glass of bourbon, and try to figure out how sending me a PayPal payment could turn into a scam. This can’t be a legitimate advertising offer, THE INTERNET TOLD ME SO!
from: gothbrooks@gmail.com
to: Name@Domain.net
date: Tue, July 20,2010 at 11:33pm
subject: Re: Advertising on “Swan Fungus”
What kind of Intern automatically gets co-conspirator status? upon signing up for the position? That would take a very trusting boss, and I don’t know enough about you to make you an equal if you’re going to carry around the tag “intern” all the time. I anticipate a week or two of the usual intern chores, like fixing me tea and making sure all my pencils are sharpened so when I chuck them at the ceiling they stick really well. The tape dispensers should always have tape in them, and the freezer should have fresh ice cubes for my bourbon. After a few weeks of that, you can maybe be a co-conspirator.
I never made fun of your photo. What’s wrong, can’t you look at a camera instead of looking forlorn like some stupid model staring at the ground?

This is a photo of a crazy Japanese man wearing my face on his shirt. Swan Fungus is huge in Japan.
Regards,
Evan
Here I’m thinking, “That oughta keep ‘em busy until I have time to figure out if they’re actually scamming me or not.” Instead, the next e-mail came within minutes. Shit.
from: Name@Domain.net
to: gothbrooks@gmail.com
date: Tue, July 20,2010 at 11:51pm
subject: Re: Advertising on “Swan Fungus”
That was the first photo I clicked on. I was smiling slightly. It was taken at a funeral. No real “fun” in that photo.
Seriously, are you interested in the link, or would you like to pass on it?
Best,
[Name]
Shit. This could be the moment I expose the fraud. Depending on how I phrase my response, it could make or break my deep undercover…what’s the word I’m looking for…investigation! This is could turn my investigation into the biggest Internet coup against scam artists ever! And I would be like Woodward and Bernstein, showing other bloggers how to handle a potential scam situation. Yup…just call me Woodbern. No, wait — call me Wardstein. No…I got it. Call be Bernward.
Heh…burn ward.
from: gothbrooks@gmail.com
to: Name@Domain.net
date: Wed, July 21,2010 at 12:10am
subject: Re: Advertising on “Swan Fungus”
I’m sorry, it’s getting late on the west coast and I’ve been drinking since I got out of work. I think I’m going to sleep on it and get back to you in the morning. Tell your boss my offer of $500 for the one ad stands.
PS – I just realized that the photo I sent you depicts a woman, not a man. Sorry about that. You know those Japanese. The men all have long hair, the women sometimes have short hair, and they all have identically smooth skin. It’s hard to tell them apart.
Regards,
Evan
Ingenious, Evan! Force their hand, see how they respond, but quickly dismiss yourself for six or seven hours in order to keep them stewing. If this is indeed a scam — or a flam — they’ll agree to the ridiculous $500 sum for a simple text ad placement and then offer to send me a check. Fucking Columbo couldn’t have planned this scam of mine better than I did. I’m scamming the scammers! I hope at some point I get to kick through a door and scream, “The jig is up!”
So, what do you think? Is this going to turn out to be a BUSTED scam or not? Only time will tell. I don’t know about you, but I’m on the edge of my seat.
Granted, it’s because I’m about to go refill my glass with more ice. My bottle of bourbon isn’t empty yet.
TO BE CONTINUED…
Technorati Tags: Advertising, Check, E-mail, PayPal, Scam