Swan Fungus | Antics
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Antics

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    February 14, 2011

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    The Newsboys Strike of 1899 finally comes to a close! Take that, newspaper magnates! …which is, you know, FLIP OUT! because the Arcade Fire won a Grammy award for the best album of the year. Much like the majority of the world, I could give a shit about the Grammy’s. The machine giving the award to the machine. I have no interest in propagating […]

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    January 28, 2011

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    A few days ago my favorite website The Frisky ran an article entitled 10 Bad News Dudes I Shouldn’t Be Attracted To. The premise was that the author, Amelia McDonell-Parry, would list a number of men that society would ordinarily deem as unattractive. Perhaps it is a physical unattractiveness, or maybe a mental or emotional unattractiveness, but either way no ordinary person would […]

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    January 21, 2011

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    • I traded in my 10-year old Volvo and bought my first car today. It’s a 2009 Toyota “Adam” Corolla. It was quite the ordeal. My Jew powers did nothing to benefit me during the bargaining segment of the deal. I just kept mentioning how hungry I was and how I wanted to get out of there as soon as possible or I was going […]

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    January 17, 2011

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    • According to science (it’s science, people!) the best way to cure your hangover is…coffee and aspirin! And here I thought I had to have a bacon, egg and cheese sandwich with soda and two tylenols with codeine to defeat the nausea, dehydration, aches and pains which accompany waking up after a long night of drinking. Thanks science, that’s going to save me a lot […]

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    December 29, 2010

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    Jesus. I have to post my list of the top 100 albums of 2010 on Friday and I haven’t even really started yet. I guess I’m just waiting for the day when computers become self-aware and start to think and act for themselves. Maybe then Swan Fungus will learn how to write its own lists, and I can just sit back and drink […]

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    December 11, 2010

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    • This is going to be short, and not very good, because I did not sleep last night. I was pretty sick with stomach pains and vomiting, the origins of which remain unknown. 24-hour bug? Imminent death syndrome? Once my mind starts to wander it could be just about anything. So having not received a single moment of rest, I stayed home from work today […]

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    November 18, 2010

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    Hi, kids. I’m Evan, a newly published women’s magazine writer. No, there are no typos in that last sentence. This morning an article I wrote for The Frisky was posted to their website. They’re sending me a contract in the mail so I can get paid, which is nice, and depending on the response to the piece I may or may not be asked […]

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    November 1, 2010

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    There we were. Gail and me. Eye to eye. Toe to toe. Penis to vagina belly (she’s only 5′ 6″). Who would crack first? Would she turn and run? Would she prematurely reach for her rape whistle? Would she rush towards me and embrace me. Could she cry into my shoulder and say, “Evan. You found me. I love you.”? The answer, of course, […]

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    October 26, 2010

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    Today I woke up relatively late. I slept until 11am, which is later than I’ve slept in months. See, what happened was, I went out last night and got trashed. Apparently before I went to sleep I set my alarm for 7:50am, but when it went off this morning I was still a little drunk and I thought I turned it off…and really I […]

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    October 22, 2010

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    Mssr. Hornet Montana totally changed the operating system on my laptop last night while everyone was engrossed in Pig Hunt. Now I don’t know what’s what anymore. I know that I can officially use Google Chrome now as my web browser, but I don’t know what works and what doesn’t work anymore. Also there’s a little menu on my screen that tells me how […]

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